Sea of Change, #44

Been a couple weeks since a post, so let's get up to speed, shall we:
--since moving back to the east coast, we had our first, multi-family vaca in LBI this past week.
--the very first night, my little 12 year old Doberman, Sara Belle, became sick and passed away 3 July.
--stayed most of the week for the kids, but just couldn't do it anymore and left just one day early.
--back at the house we rented for Sara, but now every room is just a painful reminder of her absence.
--this coming Monday will be the first time since 1997 that I'll be alone, (her brother Jacob passed in 2009)without the little pitter-patter of Doberman paws dancing on the floors.

I honestly thought it would be somewhat less painful with Sara.  When we let Jacob go, I immediately had to have Sara physically with us, so we picked her up and walked around Jacob's favourite park.  I still had her, we still were a family, Jacob being with us in spirit.  Sara was always the Hubbs':  they were Search and Rescue partners for years.  But I suppose since she retired, we spent more time together, especially since we moved.  We had a routine:  wake up with Hubbs, quick pee break, then back to bed.  Rise at 0630, eat breakfast, head out for our walk soon after.  Pee break and walk around 1200, then a snack.  Dinner about 1600, then out again for her evening walk. She slept with us, she went just about everywhere with us and if she couldn't, we just didn't go.  We stayed home a lot.

And now she's gone and I'm realizing I'm no longer a dog mom.  I've got a little identity crisis going on in the Burg.  My good friend Eric reminded me of one of my earlier posts:  "Pain Births Clarity", and it really is true because I feel I'm shitting diamonds right about now.

Anyhell, life must go on, right?  Shit.  So tonight, on the evening before my first day quite alone, I plan to have a bottle which was gifted to me by my good friend Mike, who is the proud writer of http://www.ediblebabies.com/.  He gave it to me on a previous birthday, which is just around the corner, but I want this bottle because he attached a bandaid to it, so hopefully it'll give me a little "fix".  Foxen, Tinaquaic Vineyard 2005 Cabernet Franc.

Godspeed Sara Belle.
I love you.